the condom got lost in my hair
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
