Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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