There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
