I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize