I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
