I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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