I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I smell stomach acid.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
