another moral hangover. fuck.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
