whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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