Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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