at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize