wanna go halves on a baby?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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