Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
