Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
