Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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