So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
