I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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