also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
