i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
