You're my little dorito
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
