ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
