I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
