did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
