Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
