What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
