Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
