So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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