The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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