could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
