I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
