so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
