there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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