I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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