Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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