Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
