your thong is hanging out like whoa
This is not my ceiling
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
