If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize