Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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