I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
