I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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