How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
