Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
