a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
