he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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