The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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