Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize