Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
