Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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