we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
