I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
