Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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