Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Come on in and take your pants off
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
