Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
