everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
soo... how was my night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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