no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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