from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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