well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
