I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
