I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
only if we run a train.
done.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
