I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
