How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
