Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
