so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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